Week 9 Notes

• No TV coverage of Chicago v Colorado? What if Freddy Adu shows up? Then nobody will see him! And that would be a disaster! What’s going on here? Attica! Attica!

• Peter Lorre has been reincarnated and is playing soccer in New England under the name Clint Dempsey. This is odd, because, while he was undeniably a great actor, Lorre had no game whatsoever. I’m a bit surprised People Magazine hasn’t picked up on this.

• Writing this column will become much easier after this week, as I’ve taken the plunge and ordered DirectTV-DVR powered by Tivo.

• Note to the folks at DirectTV and/or Tivo: feel free to send me a little swag for the plug. Thank you.

• Memo to Freddy: You’re not playing in Europe (yet). That means when you fall down, you get RIGHT BACK UP, unless you’re unconscious or have lost a leg. In the future, when in doubt, ask yourself: WWESD? (What Would Earnie Stewart Do?)

• Just for the record, I benched Ronnie Ekelund and Damani Ralph in MFLS this week. I leave it to you to see if my curse continues. Ekelund is injured, (mlsnet.com reports he has a neck infection. Yes, you read that right, a neck infection . . . eww . . .) so at least he can’t go on a scoring rampage.

• Troy Perkins made the best PK stop I’ve ever seen in my life against Taylor Twellman. He placed his shot about as close to the post as you can place it, but Perkins guessed correctly and stretched like a rubber band to knock it away from goal. Twellman is snakebit this season; he can’t buy a goal.

• Twellman was stoned again by Perkins 10 minutes later on a hard shot from the 18, and then left with an injury in the 70th minute. If it weren’t for bad luck, he’d have no luck at all, as they used to say on Hee-Haw.

• Wow. Manny Lagos gets a yellow card for a two legged scissor action chop tackle on Brian Mulrooney. Think he’s bitter about being traded? I kid, actually. Manny is one of the good guys in the game today. But man was that a rough tackle.

• Is there a league on earth with better goalkeeping than MLS? Even the backups in this league are top-shelf. Jon Conway for San Jose and Matt Reis for New England both were stellar this week. Maybe the Premiership has better keepers top-to-bottom. But even in that league, the Goalkeeper of the Year has been a Yank the last two seasons in a row.

• If Warner Wolf were writing this column, he’d say “Break up the Crew! Two in row!” Who was it just a few weeks ago making disparaging comments about Columbus, saying they weren’t about to pull their season out of the dumper any time soon. Hmm . . . my memory fails me. Certainly it wasn’t yours truly? No, surely not.

• Eddie Gaven almost tore Jimmy Conrad’s face off with an elbow while going up for a header near the end of the first half of the NY/KC game. It was unintentional, clearly, but man was it gory. It looked like a scene from “Silence of the Lambs”.

Crystal Palace v West Ham United (First Division Playoff Final) 29 May 2004

I don't follow West Ham United. I don't follow Crystal Palace. I don't even really follow English 1st Division Football.

Yet, I just paid 20 bucks to watch the 1st Division Playoff Final on PPV.

Why would I do that? I'm not made of money, ya know?

I'll tell you why. First, I'm an addict. I love soccer. Soccer, it has been said, is the most important of life's unimportant things. I live by that saying.

Second, if soccer is an addiction, then this match is like Chinese heroin; expensive, but undeniably high quality stuff.

You see, this match determines which team will advance to the Premier League, the most prestigious league in the world, and therefore will be, by definition, one of the most exciting matches of the year. It's a spectacle, a guaranteed barn burner, a no-holds-barred football donnybrook. I'm watching for the same reason people who don't give horse racing a single thought all year will be watching the Belmont next week, or people who are utterly indifferent to motor sports will be watching the Indy 500 tomorrow.

And, let's face it, I've got nothing better to do today. I'm single, without prospects, and on vacation. I've already cleaned my house and washed dishes today, the lawn doesn't need to be mowed, and I never wash my car anyway; There's no reason not to. 20 bucks? If I went to a movie and got popcorn and a coke, I'd be close to that amount, and this way I don't waste any $1.94/gallon gasoline. I'm actually saving money by watching this match! Yeah, that's it . . .

I've said many times that it's a lonely life being an American soccer fanatic. None of my close friends, save one, will understand what would compel a person to drop a twenty on a soccer match; not even a live soccer match at that. If I called everyone I know in this town and invited them to come over, I'd get nothing but derisive laughter or polite excuses. That's ok, I understand. I'm used to it. I understand that it's slightly pathetic for a man nearly in his 40's to be sitting, alone, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon watching a soccer game taking place in a foreign country being played by players he's never heard of. But what do you want from me? I'm comfortable with it. Well, not comfortable exactly, but at least resigned to the reality.

Don't get me wrong, my life isn't victim to the "tyranny of football" described by Nick Hornby in his seminal soccer-as-obsession book 'Fever Pitch'. If I had anything remotely resembling real-life meaningful human contact on my radar, I'd be doing that instead of this. I made huge brownie points with my last love interest by forgoing the Major League Soccer championship game in order to spend the afternoon with her, so I'd certainly be willing to forego this match for even a lunch with a new acquaintance.

I think.

Perhaps the lonelier I get, the more insulated I'll become, and in twenty years I'll do nothing but sit here watching soccer, moving only to feed my 27 cats and scream "Get off my lawn!" at the neighborhood kids. I don't know.

Whoa. That was a really creepy vision of my future. I'm putting way too much thought into this. I think I'll quit typing and watch the match, not only to stop this increasingly disturbing self reflection, but also so that I don't waste my 20 bucks by missing a goal while blogging.

WEEK 8 NOTES

• I should begin accepting payments from MLS players, based on my flawless record in fantasy soccer. It seems that by benching players on my roster, I consistently cause them to immediately start scoring. Recent examples:
o Troy Dayak’s (rare) goal a few weeks ago? I did that.
o Damani Ralph finally getting’ off the shneid in week 4? Yep, me.
o Noonan’s first half strike today? You’re welcome, Pat.
I wouldn’t even charge that much. I don’t want to take all the credit; I just want to be recognized materially for my contribution to their careers.

• Troy Perkins gets the nod in goal for DC, after Nick Rimando’s truly unfortunate (to be as generous as possible, because we like Nicky) game against Los Angeles on Wednesday. Apart from the very obvious “What’s Doug Warren, chopped liver?” this move raises the burning question: Who the heck is Troy Perkins?

• Also getting a start for DC is a young Ghanaian-born American, whose name escapes me right now. A recent immigrant, one wonders how he’ll ever get any recognition, given his young age and lack of movement off the ball. I also hear (through the grapevine of course, one never hears these things in the soccer press) the kid scored Wednesday and graduated high school on Friday. Sounds intriguing. WON’T SOMEONE GIVE THIS LAD SOME COVERAGE?

• Here’s something you don’t see everyday: a bicycle kick that goes down for an assist. Jean-Philippe Peguero, who is the discovery of the season in my book, hit a beauty of a bike for Colorado, but ZiZi Roberts finished it by roofing it from about a yard out.

• The Peguero-to-Roberts goal was made possible by a sublime run by Mark Chung, one of my all-time favorite players. I don’t often second guess Bruce Arena (making me an oddity on BigSoccer), but I’ve always maintained that Chung is international material and should get a lot more caps than he does.

• Somebody needs to clue in the folks at Arrowhead Stadium. Leave the corny organ music next door at Kaufman Stadium. This is not a baseball game, guys, give us a break. Would you play dance music at a funeral? A dirge at a wedding? It’s bad, bad, bad practice and you need to cut it out, m’kay?

• Kudos to the announcing team of Max Bretos and Alan Hopkins on FSW for not screaming “Cha Ching!” when Brian Ching scored for San Jose in first half stoppage time against Los Angeles. Seriously, thank you guys. You give me hope.

• It looks and sounds like a big crowd in San Jose tonight. I imagine it’s mostly because the Galaxy are in town. If you can’t get ‘em to love the team, get ‘em to hate the opposition. Whatever works, guys.

• Here’s another thing you don’t see everyday: Brian Ching’s second goal was neither kicked nor headed, it was “chested”. Hit right off his chest and into the goal from about two feet out. Kinda funny to watch. But, as the old saw goes “It don’t say pretty, it just says goal”.

• Brian Mullan and DeWayne DeRosario both had ‘Goal of the Week’ candidates for San Jose. Go to mlsnet.com and check it out.

• Milestone: First Zimbabwean to score in Major League Soccer. Congratulations to Joseph Ngwenya, the pride of Plumtree (really, he’s from the village of Plumtree) notched a nicely headed goal for Los Angeles against San Jose. It was also the first ever assist at the professional level for Ned Grabavoy.

• Finally, I have to report that MLSnet.com is having technical problems, as they have reported that Columbus beat Chicago 3-1. Let’s get it right ok, guys.

• Wait, what?

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS MATCH REPORT
Kansas City Wizards v Dallas Burn, 22 May 2004

Kansas City are missing Igor Simutenkov and Preki, which is a lot of their offense. Josh Wolff is always dangerous, and Klein can score when necessary. One thing they don’t lack is Defense; they’re leading the league in that department. Oh great, just what we need.

Eric Quill needs to start scoring. Maybe I’ll pick him up for my fantasy team, then bench him. That usually works. Even Troy Dayak scored for San Jose the other week after I benched him. That is something akin to magic right there, boys and girls.

A very slow first five minutes. Rhine sneaked past an offside trap and almost converted a chance, but nothing major. This is a good sign. I’ve noticed this year that when when we start of hot, we cool down way too much as the game goes on.

One of the overlooked subtleties of Scott Garlick’s game is his smart, accurate distribution. No indecision, no panic. Fast when it needs to be fast, but holds things up when necessary. There aren’t any stats for that, but it’s important.

Matt Behncke was lucky not to get read carded for taking down Davy Arnaud in the ninth minute. Had Mr. Okulaja considered Arnaud to be the “last man”, Matt would have been gone.

Tony Nhleko starts out on the bench for the second straight week. Injured? In the doghouse? Hmm…..

Bobby Rhine got a whack on the leg in the 12th minute and had to come out of the game. Not good. He’s clearly in pain, but even worse, from where I’m sitting, is his clear sense of mental distress, like he thinks it is really bad; he keeps covering his face with his hands. Diego Gutierrez came over and shook his hand and gave him some kind words before he was stretchered off. Very classy gesture.

Jason Kreis comes in for Bobby. This will be the most minutes Jason has played since his injury last season.

Chris Gbandi gets a yellow card from Mr. Okulaja for a hard foul on Arnaud. He also gets a few words about the level of his dissent.

In the 25th minute, EJ beats Meola and then is taken down egregiously by Nick Garcia . No call, no PK, no card. Mr. Okulaja clearly was distracted by the extensive crowd noise at Arrowhead Stadium.

Jason’s first try at goal goes just wide. Brad Davis made a beautiful pass, splitting two defenders and keeping Jason onside. We’re starting to look dangerous.

Okay, the “dangerous looking” stretch turned out to be quite brief. With five minutes left in the first half this has become a slow and ponderous affair. This, by the way is only made worse by the godawful organ music on the Arrowhead PA system. What is this, the fifth inning of a Royals v Devil-Rays game? Give me a break.

No score at halftime. We’ve looked the more dangerous side, but in this game, that’s not exactly effusive praise. I’m starting to think Colin Clarke is a good judge of talent, and makes the right lineup choices, but somehow, like his predecessor, is not able to motivate these guys to play with passion. In his defense, though, that kind of attitude is intrinsic, extrinsic motivation usually takes the form of fear, not enthusiasm (see Ferguson, Alex). Also, these men are professionals and shouldn’t have to be motivated to play with fire in their bellies.

Brad Sham just told us that Bobby has a sprained MCL. Not a tear and not an ACL. In one sense this is good news for Bobby, as it means no surgery. No word on how many weeks he’ll be out. I suspect four at minimum. Colin won’t be inclined to rush him back now that Jason is healthy. Here’s hoping he’ll be back and better than ever before long.

Just as I was about to move my fingers to type the words “we’re playing good defense right now”, Phillip Salyer stands around in the six yard box waiting to clear a cross, while Jack Jewsbury hustles around him and just gets enough boot on the ball to dribble it past a bewildered Scott Garlick. 60th minute. Congratulations to Jewsbury, a product of the St. Louis University soccer machine, on his first MLS goal. He should buy Salyer a fruit basket, or a nice bottle of wine.

If I were a newspaper editor I’d be tempted to lead with “Burn Have No Fire”. There are also the obvious Wiz/Burn jokes, but those have been played out since, oh, 1996 or so.

67th: Jolley lets a pass by Arnaud bounce of his shoulder and into the path of Josh Wolff, who neatly fires it past Garlick to make the score 2-0. If I wasn’t already drinking, I’d start drinking at this point.

Pareja comes on for Quill in the73rd minute. It is time for Oscar to take control of this team. My previous comments about lacking fire and passion categorically do not apply to him. This is his team as much as it is Jason’s. Jason is a quiet professional, Pareja is a fire-eater. We need fire-eaters right now. Quill is very close to becoming a breakthrough player in this league, but he’s not there yet.

Kansas City is playing with flair and danger right now, while we’re kinda standing around watching.

Garcia trips Pareja in the 78th minute right outside the box. This is Jason’s area for free kick magic, normally. But he hasn’t quite knocked all the rust off his game yet, and skies it badly.

Tony Nhleko comes in for Gbandi in the 79th minute. Maybe Tony can get out of the doghouse with a couple late goals. Maybe the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy will adopt me and I’ll live happily ever after.

Jose Burciaga is playing really well for Kansas City. I mention this partly because it’s true, partly because of the irony involved in the kid being from Dallas.

Full time. We haven’t beaten Kansas City at Arrowhead this century. Nice.

Un partido muy feo para los Burn, mis amigos. Hasta Luego.

Week 7 Notes

• Columbus Crew stadium isn’t Wembley, but from where I sit it looks like a beautiful place to watch football. It was rainy in Columbus today, and the team is in a slump (to put it as kindly as possible), but the box score says 16,000 people were at the match. Is that accurate? They were celebrating the fifth anniversary of the opening of CCS, but on television, it looked pretty thin. 16,000 is more than Colorado and Dallas pulled in combined last week, by the way.

• Let me just promise right now: if Oklahoma City gets a franchise, Gary England will have to tell me a tornado is hovering over the stadium in a holding pattern, shooting out brimstone-laden thunderbolts from the midst of the vortex, before I’ll miss a game. Neither rain nor sleet nor snow nor gloom of night will keep my obsessive/compulsive butt from the stands.

• Kudos to Eric Wynalda. During ESPN2’s broadcast of the CLB/NE match, he was heavily critical of an offside call which cost the Revs a goal. But upon further review he realized he was wrong and said so. And did it without an ounce of irony or self-serving bravado. Classy. I wasn’t wild about the Stone/Wynalda team in the beginning, but I think they’re growing as time goes on. Or, at least, they’re growing on me. Your mileage may vary.

• Last week I made a snarky comment about the Crew’s tie with DC not being a sign that their season was turning around. This week they pull off an efficient, if not beautiful, 1-0 defeat of New England. In the spirit of Eric Wynalda, let me say that perhaps I was wrong. Jon Busch, by the way, played brilliantly.

• I am so very confused. With all the Freddy-mania going on, how can DC/KC not be on television? I’m not saying I want ESPN to show DC United every Saturday for the entire season; far from it. But you’d think a local station in either Kansas City or DC would have it covered, and by extension so would DirectKick (which to be honest, is all I care about).

• The previous observation is made even more annoying by the fact that Eskandarian and Adu are playing together tonight, which doesn’t often happen; they usually are each other’s substitute. For the record, yes, I’m listening to an internet feed of the radio broadcast of the match. And, yes, I desperately need to get a life, thanks for asking. I’m also watching DAL/SJ on DirectKick and watching CHI/NY via the Yahoo video feed. What of it?

• I don’t know what the deal is with ugly soccer balls, but it’s a disturbing trend and let me go on record here and now in saying I DO NOT APPROVE. The current MLS match ball is horrid. It belongs in the big wire bouncy-ball rack at Toys-R-Us. I saw highlights of a match the other day where they were playing with a silver soccer ball. Silver, I kid you not. Part of the appeal of this game is undeniably its inherent aesthetic qualities. Goofy looking soccer balls, just like players wearing white soccer shoes, are an eyesore, and detract from this aesthetic appeal. It’d be like taking a Sharpie pen and drawing a goatee on the Mona Lisa. Ugly and unthinkable.

• The guy on DC United who isn’t making half-a-mil a year is again carrying the offensive load for the team; Jaime Moreno scores the only goal in a 1-0 win over Kansas City Wizards.

• Überkeeper Henry Ring may have given up a goal this week against Metrostars, but he also robbed Amado Guevara in the 3rd minute of second half stoppage time to keep the draw in hand. If this guy’s not an All-Star this year, they oughta quit having an All-Star game. I’m forming a conspiracy theory in which the league is forcing Ring to give up a goal now and then to conceal his extraterrestrial heritage. Clearly he’s a keeper from another planet.

• Landon Donavan is makin’ the big bucks because he can score, but there are not too many forwards in this league who pass the ball as well as he does.

• Cobi Jones made like Jet Li and nearly decapitated Joe Cannon with a flying high kick. No yellow card was issued. Hmm. But the soccer gods had their revenge on the ensuing corner when Chris Albright’s shot, instead of going in the goal, bounced off the post and straight into Cannon’s hands. Heh heh.

• If you were watching LA/COL and wondered why Jean-Philippe Peguero showed his t-shirt to the crowd after scoring, the shirt had John Spencer’s name and number on it. Spencer, the Rapids captain, didn’t make the trip to LA because of injury. Class act by Peguero.

• Peguero scored because of a wonderful assist by Chris Henderson, who is the Pete Rose of American soccer. By that I mean he hustles more than any other player in MLS, not that he bets on the matches from the locker room.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS MATCH REPORT
Dallas v San Jose, 15 May 2004

Brad Davis started off the match doing the things everyone’s been complaining he doesn’t do enough of. Controlling the ball, beating people on the wing and getting in dangerous crosses and passes. Burn nearly score twice in the first minute.

Not that I’m superstitious or anything, but we’ve done much better when the opponent dominates the first five minutes. The one game where we came out guns blazing, well, that was last week, and we just don’t want to talk about that, do we?

Eric Quill could have had two goals in the first 10 minutes but for Pat Onstad.

Oh this is ugly. 14th minute. Donavan picks a loose ball just outside the box, draws two defenders, lays of to Mullan, who thumps the ball right off the post. The ball is drawn as if by magnetism to Donavans left foot. He traps, shoots and scores. We’ve got guys running into each other like they’ve just met.

Cory Gibbs is out injured this week. Coincidence?

Yet another yellow card for the Wicked Finn (I have decided arbitrarily and irrevocably that Valakari will henceforth be known as the Wicked Finn). I like this guy. A lot. He’s not dirty by any means, but man does he play with heart and intensity.

Brian Ching makes it 2-0 in first half stoppage time. Three guys bunched up on the wing get beat on a give and go by Mullan and Mulrooney, allowing the cross by Mullan, who hits Ching, who was marked, kinda, and who knocks it in from about two feet out. At least we can’t blame Southlake.

The second half doesn’t even begin, in my opinion, until Oscar and Jason come in the game at the 60 minute mark. The first 15 minutes were like a training session. I need to see some urgency here, some spark. This is getting depressing.

Just when I was getting close to despair (and by that I mean the 65th minute) Rhine hits a beauty of a cross from just outside the right side of the box, Onstad starts to come off his line, backtracks, and his fate was sealed. Eddie heads it down and heads it hard from about three yards out. Eddie was indeed the one who made the initial pass to Rhine on the wing, then hustled into position to take the goal. That’s what we want to see.

I’m starting to sense a little confidence in the boys. Ronnie tees up from about 30 yards out and forces Onstad into a sprawling save to his left.

Dangerous free kick from about 18 yards and one inch from the goal in the 70th. Kreis drills the free kick through the wall and only Ramiro Corrales’ save off the line keeps it from being the equalizer.

Jolley picks up a yellow in the 74th and the quakes get a free kick from about five yards outside the penalty area. Agoos hits a screamer with his lethal left foot. How Garlick stopped that shot without giving up a rebound I don’t know. Excellent work by both teams.

Nearly an eaqualizer in the 76th. Kreis bounces off Onstad as he goes for the cross by Rhine. Looks like it nearly broke him in half. Pat Onstad’s a big boy.

Good pressure, and a series of corners around the 79th minute. Jolley gets robbed by Onstad, who dives right to save the headed shot.

Behncke made an excellent run down the left side and just shot wide in the 85th. I for one would like to see him do that a LOT more.

Behncke’s run notwithstanding, nearly all of the trouble we’re giving San Jose tonight is coming from the right side. We’re unlucky not to have equalized at this point, with four minutes and stoppage time to go.

Bah.

Well, we didn’t equalize, but neither did we lay down and die, like last week against the Evil Galaxy. Why we stopped playing between minute 5 and minute 65 of this match, I don’t know, but for that 30 minutes we owned San Jose. Shame it’s a 90 minute game.

Well, like most Burn fans, I’m going to have a couple drinks now, and wonder about what happened tonight. Drive safely, everyone.

WEEK 6 NOTES:

• 7,700 in New England. 6,700 in Big D. That is depressing. You can’t blame the weather, you can’t blame March Madness, you can’t blame Yankees/Red Sox, you can’t blame it being the middle of the week, you can’t blame the Freemasons, the Trilateral Commission, the Illuminati, the damn liberals in Congress, or George Bush or Donald Rumsfeld; you can’t even blame it on the bossa nova. So what exactly is the story here? Even Kansas City drew 11,000; that’s like a sellout for the Wizards.

• I haven’t experienced mixed emotions like this since Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett got divorced. While I’m as happy about the renaissance of Jovan Kirovski as anyone, today’s double against my beloved Burn hurt. Hurt like a toe slammed in the passenger-side door.

• It’ll be interesting to see how Alecko Eskandarian reacts to losing his starting spot to Freddy. Oh, and Freddy, rumor has it you’re wanting to go to Holland because your girlfriend moved back there. Dude, I’m telling you, it’s not worth it. Don’t do it man, I’m begging you. Remember, if you love something, set it free. If it returns, it’s yours forever; if it doesn’t . . . something or other, I can’t really remember what happens if it doesn’t return to you, but, still, you see my point right? Freddy . . . Freddy?

• Chris Klein gets my vote for “most underrated player in MLS”. If I’m Bob Gansler and I’m forced to choose between Klein and Josh Wolff, I’m taking Klein every day of the week. I think he’ll play an important role in WC qualifying for the United States as well. He’s smart, he can finish, he knows how to run off the ball, he can play defense, and he’s tough as nails. Plus, he’s got his own bobblehead now, so he must be good.

• The Crew finally caught a break. Frankie Hejduk was brought down by Brandon Prideaux in the 90th minute at RFK. Ross Paule, of all people, easily converted the PK. So Columbus earn a tie against United, doubling their point total. I’m tempted to say this marks the turning point of the Crew’s season, but I think we all know that’s not true.

• Henry Ring, as it turns out, is human after all, and not a superhumanmutantradioactiveuberhuman. He actually gave up a pair of goals against Kansas City. I didn’t see the first, but the second, by Davy Arnaud, was a shot that no one outside the Justice League could’ve stopped. But still . . . Ring, you SLACKER, your GAA is all the way up to .80! That’s almost an ENTIRE GOAL A GAME!

• Cornell Glen scored the first goal for Metrostars against the Earthquakes. This brings up the question that is on everybody’s lips: Who?

• Dipsy Selolwane scored the tying goal for Chicago at Kansas City. As is traditional, I have no observation here, but mention the fact merely for the visceral thrill brought on by typing the name “Dipsy Selolwane”.

• I pledge my undying gratitude and fealty to the first sportscaster who resists the urge to say “Cha-ching!” when Brian Ching of the Earthquakes scores a goal.

• Little Joe Cow and Fabian Taylor both make cases for “Goal of the Year” tonight. Both beat Pat Onstad from way out; from just about the same spot. Go to MLSnet.com and check out the video. Amazing.

• Vaca and Taylor accounted for only 1/3 of the goals in the first half of the SJ/NY game. You don’t see many six-goal halves in any soccer league, much less MLS. In fact it was only the third 3-3 halftime score in the history of the league. Each one was a cracker, too. Not a soft one in the lot. Jonny Walker and Pat Onstad looked shell shocked. I imagine they were hoping for a cocktail in lieu of Gatorade at halftime.

• Speaking of GotY candidates, Cornell Glen’s second goal (which tied the game at 5-5 in extra time) is a definite candidate as well. We won’t be asking “Who the heck is Cornell Glen?” much longer, clearly.

• When you score five goals in a game, you oughta really chalk up a win. Metrostars and Earthquakes had a crazy 5-5 draw tonight. Lots of fun to watch. Kevin Terry should get a medal for the job he did calling this game. He was really on top of his game tonight.

Stream of Consciousness Match Report
Dallas Burn v LA Galaxy 8 May, 2004

For the first time this year, Dallas put pressure on the opposition in the first five minutes of the match. I’m not complaining, mind you, just observing.

Something you hardly ever see on the first Burn goal in the 6th minute. A goal off the short corner! Ronnie runs on to a ball played into the right side of the box by Simo Valakari, hits a square pass right across the goalmouth. Nhleko out hustles his marker, and hits it first time. Boom! Just like that, Burn 1 - Evil Galaxy 0.

This is a match up with a history for Burn fans. Many of us remember the “Thursday Night Massacre” back in 98. A sad, ugly, rainy 8-1 thrashing at the hands of the E.G.

I had made one of my pilgrimages from Oklahoma City that night, only to witness the worst beating I’ve ever seen any team take in any professional sporting event, ever. The two things that stand out from that night are Mark Dodd’s dignity (he had zero, I repeat, zero help on defense that night), and the sole Dallas goal, which was an “olimpico” by, I think, Damian. It was pretty cool, regardless. The only cool part of that awful night.

So it is a great rivalry, with some intense games in its past, especially playoff games. A Burn win is always nice, but a Burn win against the E.G. is especially sweet.

Having said that, I am happy to see Jovan Kirovski finding a home in L.A. He never quite seemed to hit his stride during his years of European vagabonding, but we all knew he could play. Also, Ned Grabavoy is getting a starting chance in L.A., which is nice because I like to see collegiate stars step up to the next level and be successful in MLS. Anybody who watched the NCAA tournament last season knows this kid has loads of talent.

Dirty Ruiz tried to poke Cory Gibbs’ eyes out with one of his patented straight arms. Nice. Ruiz can score all the goals he wants; I still wouldn’t want him on my team.

Eric Quill is quietly becoming a solid midfielder for us. He’s the kind of player you have to have to be successful. Not flashy, not a guy you’re going to notice much of the time, but he does the things that have to be done to win games. What some folks like to call the “dirty work”: winning balls, getting back quickly on defense, making the linchpin pass on transition. Kind of reminds me of Good ol’ Ted Eck, but with perhaps slightly more deftness on the ball.

I miss Ted Eck. If there’s ever a “ring of honor” at the new stadium (Uncle Lamar’s House of Whoopass is the early favorite for the name, by the way), I want Ted Eck to be in it.

Behncke ripped a beautiful bending dipping shot with his left in the 31st minute. Harman did well to make the save. Behncke is another new face that I like. But I like anyone who’s not afraid to shoot from outside. If I was a soccer coach, I’d want every player to have a go from way out at least once a match, just on general principle.

And Behncke’s a Princeton guy, too, so, you know, he’s like, smart and stuff.

Scott Garlick set a club record for most consecutive shutout minutes (362) in the 38th minute.

This will be the game where Jason Kreis makes his comeback. As I write this, in the 40th minute, I am predicting a goal from Jason before the match ends. I will not erase this sentence if I’m wrong. I promise. Really, I won’t.

Ruiz got called for making a dive in the box. Should have gotten a yellow, but I’ll take the call. In the booth for ESPN2, Eric Wynalda says, “Why not? Fall down, see what happens”

Right before halftime, Ronnie tries to chip Hartman, standing in no man’s land, from about 40 yards out. Just missed; would have been Goal of the Year material.

Bah. Kirovski in the 57th. I’m glad to see him playing well, but NOT TODAY. Kiro hit a sweet glancing header from around the spot, from Albright’s cross. Dallas 1 – Evil Galaxy 1

And then again in the 65th?!?!?! Kirovski with a brace against our beloved Burn? If it hadn’t been Kirovski, I’d have sworn I was having a 2003 flashback. He turned beautifully on the ball, right on the 18, and drilled it low and into the corner. Yikes.

Kreis lacing up the boots, ready to come on. It’s like Polly Purebread being in distress, and Underdog coming to the rescue. At least I hope.

Kreis is on. Just saying that makes me feel better. I have a good feeling about this.

Tyrone Marshall made a beautiful tackle in the box on Gbandi, but unfortunately hurt himself in doing so; going off in the 80th. I hate the Galaxy, but like most of their players, oddly enough. Besides, you never want to see anyone get hurt, ever. Even Dirty Ruiz.

Into stoppage time. My good feeling is fading. Mustn’t give up hope. Must…. keep… hope….. alive…..

I even tried the time-honored strategy of going into the kitchen, where I can’t see the TV. This almost always produces a goal.

Ugh. Dirty Ruiz scores on a breakaway. Two different games between first and second halves. I’m not sure what just happened, but it was very last-yearish. Ugh.

Because I’m a soccer geek par excellence, and because I have no life to speak of, I spend time doing stuff like looking through the All Time MLS Player Register and coming up with lists like this. Therefore, without further Adu (yeah, sorry), I give you my

“MLS All-Time All-Star Name Team”


Most Common Surname: Rodriguez (5)

Runners-up: Alvarez, Moore, Thomas (4). Clark, Gomez, Henderson, Hernandez, Johnson, Jones, Lewis, Torres, Williams, Wilson (3).

Only Player Good Enough To Be Known By One Name: Preki

Players Known By One Name Nonetheless: Cate, Guido, Marquinho, Welton, Zico.

Most Euphonious (tie): Ubusuku Abukusumo, Dipsy Selolwane

Best First Name (tie): Doctor (Khumalo), Thor (Lee)

Surnames Matching A Character On MASH: Klinger (Fausto and Martin), Pierce (Matt)

Funniest Name: David Nakhid

Funniest Name When Translated Into English: Little Joe Cow (Joselito Vaca)

Only surname to conquer Europe: Napoleon (Matt)

Surname With Least Intuitive Pronunciation: Nhleko pronounced KLEK O (Tony)

Week 5 Notes

* Eddie Johnson got robbed twice in the first half of the Crew/Burn game. Once by Jon Busch (who, despite the Crew's abysmal start, is a terrific keeper), and once by the referee. Two nearly identical headers a minute apart. The first one parried brilliantly by Busch, the second deflected by Busch, hitting the underside of the crossbar and then either a) just barely going in, or, b) being handled by the Crew defender. Take your pick. Either way, Eddie got jobbed.

* Even with DirecTV DirectKick AND Yahoo! SoccerPass, there was still no way to see KC/Colorado. I only object to this in principle. I still wouldn't have watched it.

* Five weeks into the season, and amazingly, Dema Kovalenko has not yet broken Freddy Adu's leg. Yes, I know they're on the same team.

* Joe Franchino and Troy Dayak both scored this week. That, along with the Olsen Twins getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, convinces me that the apocalypse is surely upon us. Visit your local house of worship this week, just to be safe.

* Dipsy Selolwane scored for Chicago. I don't have an observation here. I just like typing "Dipsy Selolwane".

* There was a huge, torrential downpour during the second half of the Crew/Burn game. Frankie Hejduk's hair looked stringy and greasy. There is no connection between these two observations. I kid, I kid because I love.

* Yet another yellow card for Simo Valakari. I blame the inherently violent Finnish culture.

* Also getting a yellow this weekend was Amado Guevara. And he deserved it, too. Oh, I didn't see the play; I just think he deserved it, regardless.

* Adin Brown channeled the spirit of Bill Buckner on the Galaxy goal in the 94th minute. Yes, I know Bill Buckner is still alive.

* I lied earlier. I would have watched KC/Colorado. Hi, I'm Dave, and I'm a soccerholic.

Colin Clarke=Sir Alex Ferguson?

One of the early stories in MLS this season is the resurgence of Dallas Burn. Let me float an idea about why that is.

The big difference for Dallas this year is that Colin Clarke has options. Like all great teams (ahem), the Burn are now in a position where very good players will be sitting on the bench on any given week. This is a good thing. Another manager you may have heard of, Sir Alex Ferguson, is the master of keeping great players on the bench to keep the great players on the field motivated.

This is a very un-American strategy. In this country, if you’re good enough to start, you start. Somewhere; even if it means being traded. Nobody in baseball, American football, or basketball keeps talent sitting. Granted, you don’t have to in some cases, because all these sports have unlimited substitutions, but the point remains: Americans don’t sit starter-quality players.

This poses two questions. First, will American players react to this competitive environment by getting sulky and demanding trades (as they’ve seen their childhood heroes do), or by putting in the effort to win back a starting spot? Second, will American fans understand this strategy, or will they constantly be calling for the manager’s head when their particular favorite sits.

The acid test in Dallas will be coming soon, as Jason Kreis gets back to 90-minute fitness. If the Burn continue to win, how will people react when Johnson and Nhleko keep their starting spots, while the all-time franchise scoring leader continues to wait for opportunities to substitute?

How Kreis will handle the situation doesn’t concern me, because he is class, and always has been. He’s a professional. But how would a younger player react, one who has started all his life and never experienced anything else? It’ll be interesting to see. Eddie Johnson may find himself in that situation before this season is over. Eddie, as has been noted, has matured quite a bit in the last year. This may turn into an opportunity for him to mature more.

I look forward to the day when every team in the league has enough talent to have similar problems. When it happens, MLS will be most of the way towards becoming a league that can hold its own with any league in the world.